By BRIAN & MARCIA GLEASON, Relationship Reporters for Babyboomers.TV

As we have discussed in earlier articles, the structure of the modern relationship creates such a strain that, for many couples, it is nearly impossible to sustain. We have come to believe that for most couples (ourselves included) there is an undercurrent of approval-seeking in how we orchestrate our daily lives. “Look at how good I am!” is often the unconscious motivation behind our drive toward accomplishment. The result is a relationship that is imbalanced and careening toward collapse.

We talked previously about what constitutes a sustainable relationship. In our last entry we discussed the importance of emotional literacy and honesty. Today we would like to focus on another component, namely a connection to the natural world.

Relationship ecology, or the creation of a healthy environment that allows our partnership to flourish, can be summed up in a word — balance. When we are operating from the yearning for approval, or when we are motivated by fear, we live our lives with an ungrounded frenzy. There’s an old axiom that reminds us, “If you chase two rabbits, you catch neither.”

I am guessing we all know how this feels. When we are busy chasing down the elusive targets of acknowledgement and safety, we fall out of rhythm with the natural order. When we learn to re-connect to the pulsation of nature we realize there is a time for everything. Core energetics tells us that all life goes through continual cycles of “charge” and “discharge.” That is, we build tension and intensity and we soften into relaxation and release. But when the focus shifts away from living in harmony with this basic impulse we become anxious, insomniac and irritable, or we slump down into depression, exhaustion and apathy.

We need to rediscover our intimate connection to nature’s rhythms in order to create a balance between the poles of over-charge and under-charge. There is a profound difference between the good feeling that comes from our ego, which says “I guess I’m OK — look at all I have done,” and that which comes from an inner sense of balance and connection. Relationships that sink into a competitive struggle to out-do each other leave both partners tired, depleted and resentful. Such couples can never quite feel safe in being just who they are. Their lives come to resemble a log-rolling contest where each person runs faster to get the other to fall first.

To feel our bodies and enter the flow of life force, we need to bring our relationships into the natural world. For the two of us, this has recently meant a return to gardening and a new foray into raising chickens. For you it could be riding bikes, walking the shoreline, climbing trees, making love in a meadow, fishing, or watching the sun rise or set. Or, it could be a thousand other possibilities.

To make contact with the natural world helps us to feel ourselves and to experience each other. Though we often forget, we live in bodies — we are our bodies — and our partners have bodies too. We are not just ego-machines dutifully doing what we think we should. We are alive, and we are part of the grand and beautiful world that resides just outside our minds.

A sustainable relationship is dependent on the realization of our intimate connection to nature. Breathing, feeling, and allowing our five senses to encounter the fullness of nature are vital to an authentic relationship. Too often we go entire days only relating through our words. A wholesome, alive relationship uses a language that speaks through our skin, not just our vocal chords. Balancing our “doing” side with our “being” side is vital to the creation of an alive, sensual connection. Marriages become much more sustainable with a vital connection to the earth, our bodies, our “beingness” and one another.

Here is an exercise to try:

Go for a walk or hike together, and agree not to speak. Engage your senses of sight, hearing, smell and touch. Make contact through your bodies by holding hands, hugging etc.

Appreciate and enjoy each other.

Brian and Marcia Gleason developed the Exceptional Marriage, an experience-based couple’s methodology which aims to maximize the potential that resides in every long-term committed relationship. For more information, visit their web site at www.exceptionalmarriage.com.

Price realistically, make minor repairs and accept the reality that houses are worth less today than they were a few years ago. That’s the consensus of real estate agents in and around the area, who say a three-year slide in housing prices, low mortgage rates and a new $8,000 federal tax credit has shifted power from home sellers to potential buyers.

From quick sales and bidding wars, the market has slid into one of the worst declines since the Great Depression. The large supply of unsold homes, tighter lending standards, record mortgage foreclosures and a crisis of confidence has taken a toll on home prices.

And the end is still not in sight, according to one of the property market’s best-known economists. “Never say never, but it is looking increasingly probable that we will not see a housing market bottom until next year,” said Karl Case, co-developer of the S&P/Case-Shiller Home Price Indices, a widely watched gauge of the housing industry.

Given the state of the economy, the right price can make the difference between a house that sells and one that lingers on the market. The right price, of course, varies by property, its location, architecture and amenities. It’s also affected by the seller’s goals and motivation to sell, real estate professionals explain. But generally speaking, buyers want value — an intangible Kamins describes as a reflection of list price and property condition.

Houses that are in good condition and priced realistically will sell quickest, said Dana Landry, a founding partner of Washington Fine Properties and the firm’s principal broker. “If you begin high, you sit on the market and can expect lower offers and multiple price reductions. Buyers are expecting value, and high prices will prevent them from making an offer.”

Brian Block, an associate broker/attorney with RE/MAX Allegiance in Alexandria, agreed. “If you price too high, you’ll miss a lot of the early traffic — and most of the activity occurs when a new property is first listed for sale. Then you’ll end up chasing the market toward an ever-diminishing pool of potential purchasers,” he said.

Pricing too low is just as problematic. Buyers are more likely to see it as a sign of distress or a marketing ploy rather than a bargain. And unlike a few years ago, when high demand, low inventories and easy credit triggered bidding wars, today’s buyers are reluctant to offer more than list prices.

“Purchasers now don’t want to get caught up in bidding wars. Most, if any, of the bidding wars occurring right now are with short sales and foreclosures, which are typically priced significantly below market values,” Block said.

To maximize showings and get a quick contract, sellers have to price property at or just slightly below market value, agents agree. But pricing is an art, not a science, and it’s especially complicated when prices are falling. “With the market in flux, you can’t go back as far as in the past when you evaluate comparable homes,” Block said. “In fact, you’re better off looking at pending sales and other currently active properties. They can be more of a guide to pricing and what’s going on in the neighborhood than the prices of homes that sold four months ago.”

To encourage sales, some sellers are paying all or part of the buyer’s closing costs, or up to 12 months of condo or homeowner association dues. But the success of any incentive depends on the way it’s structured and the terms of the specific deal. “To most humans, $10 is worth different amounts depending on how they receive it,” Kamins said. “A $10 Starbucks gift card may be valued more than a $10 roll of quarters” — and an offer to pay the $400 condo fee for 12 months may be more of an incentive than a $10,000 closing cost credit.

But in the end, it still comes down to basics: Make sure the house is in pristine condition, shows like a model and price it to sell.

To get more expertise from Asa Aarons, visit his blog at www.justaskasa.com.